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Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Sacred- Texts. Legends and Sagas. Note: this is a transcript of the movie produced. Obviously the original is copyrighted and anyone.

Monty Python is a looney..- -sacred- texts editor. The strictly unofficial script of the movie, done in a fit of boredom by [AHH. Jan. 87] Touched up again by [AHH 2. Jan. 89] (How time flies) Fixed by FDW and SAW. October 9. 4. Hypertext by SAW in November 9.

Note: The script ends with the words. Contents: The Cast(in order of appearance [roughly]). KING ARTHUR : Graham Chapman. PATSY : Terry Gilliam. GUARD #1 : Michael Palin.

GUARD #2 : John Cleese. MORTICIAN : Eric Idle. CUSTOMER : John Cleese. DEAD PERSON : ? DENNIS : Michael Palin.

WOMAN : Terry Jones. BLACK KNIGHT : John Cleese. VILLAGER #1 : Eric Idle. VILLAGER #2 : Michael Palin. SIR BEDEMIR : Terry Jones. WITCH : ? VILLAGER #3 : John Cleese. NARRATOR: Michael Palin.

SIR LAUNCELOT : John Cleese. SIR GALAHAD : Michael Palin. SIR ROBIN : Eric Idle. GOD : ? FRENCH GUARD : John Cleese. MINSTREL : ? LEFT HEAD : Terry Jones. MIDDLE HEAD : Graham Chapman.

RIGHT HEAD : Michael Palin. OLD MAN : Terry Gilliam. HEAD KNIGHT OF NEE : Michael Palin. FATHER : Michael Palin. PRINCE HERBERT : Terry Jones. GUARD #1 : Eric Idle.

GUARD #2 : ? CONCORDE : Eric Idle. OLD CRONE : ? ROGER (THE SHRUBBER) : Eric Idle. TIM (THE ENCHANTER): John Cleese. BROTHER MAYNARD: Eric Idle. SECOND BROTHER: Michael Palin. ARTHUR: Whoa there! GUARD #1: Halt! Who goes there?

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ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle. Camelot. King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign.

England! GUARD #1: Pull the other one! ARTHUR: I am. And this my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights. Camelot. I must speak with your lord. GUARD #1: What, ridden on a horse? ARTHUR: Yes! GUARD #1: You're using coconuts! ARTHUR: What? GUARD #1: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin'.

ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this. Mercea, through- -.

An adventurous girl, a young blind hermit, and a goofy two-headed dragon race to find the lost sword Excalibur to save King Arthur and Camelot from disaster. The strictly unofficial script of the movie, done in a fit of boredom by [AHH 01Jan87] Touched up again by [AHH 25Jan89] (How time flies) Fixed by FDW and SAW in.

GUARD #1: Where'd you get the coconut? ARTHUR: We found them. GUARD #1: Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical! ARTHUR: What do you mean?

GUARD #1: Well, this is a temperate zone. ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin. GUARD #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? ARTHUR: Not at all, they could be carried.

GUARD #1: What - - a swallow carrying a coconut? ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk! GUARD #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple. question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound. ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master.

Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here. GUARD #1: Listen, in order to maintain air- speed velocity, a swallow. ARTHUR: Please! GUARD #1: Am I right?

ARTHUR: I'm not interested! GUARD #2: It could be carried by an African swallow! GUARD #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European. GUARD #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.. ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court. Camelot?! GUARD #1: But then of course African swallows are not migratory.

GUARD #2: Oh, yeah.. GUARD #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway..

GUARD #2: Wait a minute - - supposing two swallows carried it together? GUARD #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line. GUARD #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a standard creeper! GUARD #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?

GUARD #2: Well, why not? MORTICIAN: Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!

Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!

Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! CUSTOMER: Here's one - - nine pence.

DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! MORTICIAN: What? CUSTOMER: Nothing - - here's your nine pence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! MORTICIAN: Here - - he says he's not dead! CUSTOMER: Yes, he is. DEAD PERSON: I'm not!

MORTICIAN: He isn't. CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.

DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better! CUSTOMER: No, you're not - - you'll be stone dead in a moment. MORTICIAN: Oh, I can't take him like that - - it's against regulations. DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go in the cart! CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby. MORTICIAN: I can't take him..

DEAD PERSON: I feel fine! CUSTOMER: Oh, do us a favor..

MORTICIAN: I can't. CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes?

He won't. MORTICIAN: Naaah, I got to go on to Robinson's - - they've lost nine. CUSTOMER: Well, when is your next round? MORTICIAN: Thursday.

DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk. CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there. DEAD PERSON: I feel happy.. I feel happy. CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much. MORTICIAN: Not at all.

See you on Thursday. CUSTOMER: Right. [clop clop]. MORTICIAN: Who's that then? CUSTOMER: I don't know. MORTICIAN: Must be a king.

CUSTOMER: Why? MORTICIAN: He hasn't got shit all over him. ARTHUR: Old woman!

DENNIS: Man! ARTHUR: Old Man, sorry. What knight live in that castle over there? DENNIS: I'm thirty seven. ARTHUR: What? DENNIS: I'm thirty seven - - I'm not old! ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you `Man'. DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis'. ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'.

DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind. DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior! ARTHUR: Well, I AM king..

DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By. exploitin' the workers - - by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma.

If there's ever going to be any progress- -. WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh - - how d'you do? ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

Who's castle is that? WOMAN: King of the who?

ARTHUR: The Britons. WOMAN: Who are the Britons? ARTHUR: Well, we all are. Britons and I am your king.

WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous. DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship.

A self- perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes- -. WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again. DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would- -. ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives.

WOMAN: No one live there. ARTHUR: Then who is your lord? WOMAN: We don't have a lord. ARTHUR: What? DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho- syndicalist commune. We take. it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

ARTHUR: Yes. DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified. ARTHUR: Yes, I see. DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,- -. ARTHUR: Be quiet! DENNIS: - -but by a two- thirds majority in the case of more- -. ARTHUR: Be quiet!

I order you to be quiet! WOMAN: Order, eh - - who does he think he is? ARTHUR: I am your king! WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.

ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings. WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?

ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake. Excalibur. from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I.

Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!

DENNIS: Listen - - strange women lying in ponds distributing swords. Supreme executive power. ARTHUR: Be quiet! DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power. ARTHUR: Shut up! DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just.

ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up! DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system. ARTHUR: Shut up! DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed! ARTHUR: Bloody peasant! DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that. That's what I'm on about - - did you see him repressing me.

ARTHUR: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me. Court of Camelot. You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me? You make me sad. So be it.

First Knight Blu- ray. Sony Pictures 1. Rated PG- 1. 3 Apr 2. Video. Codec: MPEG- 4 AVCResolution: 1. Aspect ratio: 1. 8. Original aspect ratio: 1. Audio. English: Dolby True.

HD 5. 1. French: Dolby True. HD 5. 1. Portuguese: Dolby True.

HD 5. 1. Spanish: Dolby Digital 5. Thai: Dolby Digital 5.

English: Dolby True. HD 5. 1. French: Dolby True. HD 5. 1. Portuguese: Dolby True. HD 5. 1. Spanish: Dolby Digital 5.

Thai: Dolby Digital 5. Japanese: Dolby Digital 2.

Subtitles. English, English SDH, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Japanese, Arabic, Cantonese, Korean, Thai. English, English SDH, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Japanese, Arabic, Cantonese, Korean, Thai (less)Discs. Watch Once Upon A Time In America HIGH Quality Definitons there.

Blu- ray Disc. Single disc (1 BD- 5. Playback. Region free.

Price. List price: $1. Amazon: $9. 7. 5 (Save 5. New from: $8. 2. 5 (Save 5. Fulfilled by Amazon. Movie rating. 12. First Knight (1. 99.

First Knight Blu- ray offers solid video and audio in this fan- pleasing Blu- ray release. With no ties, no enemies and no fear, Lancelot is the perfect warrior. He comes to Camelot not for glory or knighthood, although he finds both, but for the love of the one woman he cannot have, the beautiful and honorable Lady Guinevere of Leonesse. Guinevere has promised to marry King Arthur not only because his army will protect her country, but because she truly loves him for his wise and gentle ways.

As she prepares to enter Camelot as its new queen, a chance encounter with Lancelot awakens conflicting and powerful emotions within her. For Arthur, she represents a once- in- a- lifetime chance at true love and a beloved queen for his kingdom. Likewise, the king comes to see Lancelot as possessing the honor and bravery of a true Knight. He welcomes them both into his city and into his heart, never foreseeing how his great capacity for love and trust opens the doors for his betrayal. For more about First Knight and the First Knight Blu- ray release, see First Knight Blu- ray Review published by Martin Liebman on April 2. Blu- ray release scored 3.

Director: Jerry Zucker. Writers: Lorne Cameron,William Nicholson. Starring: Sean Connery,Richard Gere,Julia Ormond,Ben Cross,Liam Cunningham,Ralph Ineson» See full cast & crew. This lackluster effort fails to bring the legend of King Arthur to life. Reviewed by Martin Liebman, April 2. Times were hard. A man made his living any way he could. And Lancelot had always been.

I have a copy of First Knight on VHS. It's buried somewhere in a box deep inside a. I remember of the movie is that I own it and never had any. I used to actually dig through my VHS tapes in search of something to. That and it stars Sean Connery (A Bridge Too Far) and Richard Gere (Shall We Dance?) and has some swords.

King Arthur. In other words, only the most basic of memories stuck with me when it came to. It turns. out that a few scenes sparked some far- recessed memories, but as the credits rolled I realized. I truly had forgotten just about everything seen in the movie. My "ho- hum" feeling remains.

First Knight is certainly good enough to watch, but mediocre enough to forget until it is. If I review it then, I am certain the memory of having.

Blu- ray will be only a clouded one, making the experience once again. A love story at its core, First Knight is the filmed legend of a common man and. Lancelot (Gere) and his newfound and undeniable love for Lady Guinevere (Julia Ormond. I Know Who Killed. She's to be married to King Arthur (Connery); they have been in love since childhood and she is.

She loves him not for his power or position but for his heart. Round Table. Prince Malagant (Ben Cross, When Nietzsche Wept) has led her to marry him now to. Camelot. When she is ambushed by Malagant's men. Lady Guinevere's rescue. Although she has proclaimed her love for Arthur. Lancelot now desires the lady for himself, and goes to great lengths to win her affection. He. Arthur's trust in the process, and when he rescues Guinevere yet again from the clutches of.

Malagant and his men, he is Knighted by Arthur, joining the forces of the Round Table and. Malagant. Having finally found a position of responsibility in life. Lancelot must defend the kingdom while suppressing any public display of his love for Guinevere.

King. First Knight is one of those movies that's best watched and forgotten a few weeks later. Certainly not a terrible movie by any stretch, its predictable nature, mostly boring action. Camelot nevertheless make it one.

I've encountered pertaining to the famous legend, and a mostly average movie on the. Hokey to the core, First Knight.

Jerry Zucker (Ghost) directed film. Watch Horrid Henry: The Movie Online. Despite these shortcomings, the movie does carry with it a decent pace. The first hour of the movie. I was shocked when I glanced at the time and saw the movie was about 5.

The movie as a whole is definitely watchable, it just doesn't live up to the. Arthurian- themed motion picture, especially one starring two of the.

It is indeed perhaps the cast that proves to be one of the film's greatest strengths (perhaps. Julia Ormond is fine as Guinevere; she plays her part appropriately scared. Ben Cross is also fine as Malagant, though I can't help but think that an actor such as Jeremy. Irons could have done a bit more with the part, or what Cross could have done with it, for that.

Sean Connery makes for an. Arthur, bringing a presence, authority, and charisma to the part, although Connery is such a. I could never completely lose myself in the. King Arthur through and through. That leads. to Richard Gere, a fine actor, but wholly out of place.

He brings a somewhat comical and. Lancelot, one that has the. I rescued you, the least you can do is. Gere's best movies are when he can play a more refined, dignified, tailored hero (see the. Edward Lewis in Pretty Woman); he just doesn't do well as the unkempt. I must admit, however, to enjoying his. Lancelot, a. wandering entertainer, of sorts, who fought (but never injured) locals for money.

I believe that. had the character of Lancelot. Gere and Connery in it, the studio execs must have been thinking), the film would have. Mostly impressive is the 1. Sony has produced for this Blu- ray edition of. First Knight. The overall quality is quite good; certainly no great shakes next to the. Blu- ray releases, this transfer nevertheless holds up very well.

Detail is. impressive, as is depth, the result a sometimes breathtaking, cinematic, big- feeling image that. There is quite a bit of grain to be seen throughout, and it. Colors are impressive, the blues of Camelot and the greens of the locales both. Malagant and his men hold Guinevere captive.

The more vibrant hues are often dramatic and. A scene near the. The print does. demonstrate a few flaws now and again, notably a long, black vertical line in one spot, but for a. Black levels are excellent; a. Overall, the. image is definitely not pristine or 5- star material, but gosh darn it if I didn't adore the look of the. Before the age of crystal- clear digital cinema, IMAX, or DLP projection, I saw many a film. I. love that look.

It takes me back to my childhood, and this film, perhaps more than any other. Blu- ray, perfectly represents the typical look of a theatrical movie I so vividly remember. Presented in Dolby True.

HD 5. 1 lossless surround, First Knight sounds good on Blu- ray. The first thing I noticed was that dialogue sounded. Lancelot fights for money. Jerry Goldsmith's (Hollow Man) score is. It does. bit too loud at times, and I had to resist the urge to turn the volume down on occasion from my. The music does emanate from every speaker and is wholly engaging.

Ambience is present, with just as much, if not more, coming from the front. Bass is often utilized but never wears out.

The combat scenes, some replete with the. The . 1 channel is well- represented here.

Nevertheless, this is a fine effort from Sony, and I have no doubt that fans of the movie. First Knight sonic experience, will be more. First Knight ranks as a very average motion picture, one that won't leave you completely. I envision the perfect screening of First Knight to.